Results tagged “Loud 'N Clear” from SPRG09JR608 Interactive News Matthew Tempesta

Ah yes, Loud 'N clear. Perhaps my favorite infomercial, but of course I can say that about all these pieces of crap.

In these horrible economic times, the world yearns for a product that is both useful and practical. The Loud 'N Clear is just that. It's one of those once in a lifetime products that......wait a second.......is that who I think it is? Fast forward to 12 seconds in!

It's the Snuggie Lady!!! Wow! This really is the greatest infomercial of all-time. There must be some kind of sweatshop-like warehouse where infomercial actors are stored like slabs of beef.

Poor old lady. She was probably some cute little kid's grandma until she was kidnapped and forced into slave infomercial labor. Look at that forced smile. Those sullen eyes. I'm calling the Department of Labor.

Ok, I made the call. The department is on it.


Now let's get back to the topic at hand. The Loud 'N Clear is amazing. Have you ever wondered what all those people at the party were talking about as you stood awkwardly in a doorway? 

They were talking about you, you bonehead! Now you'll be able to hear everything thanks to the Loud 'N Clear.

Simply attach this monstrous device to your ear, and the girls will start flowing like sweet berry wine!

"Wow. That guy that guy in the doorway is an asshole."


And ladies, the Loud 'N Clear works for you too.
  

Now when you're out grocery shopping or doing your usual household chores, you can hear all the great things the other housewives have to say about your hard-working, bread-winning husband. Gender stereotypes be damned!!





It's also great for lost old ladies and lost men in camouflage. Never again will you lose your way when walking through a park or trekking through the woods. Simply strap on a Loud 'N Clear, look really confused, and you're homefree.                                                                       


So folks, act now because in these economic times, who can live without an exceptional, life changing device like the Loud 'N Clear.

Oh and once again, pay no attention to those sons of bitches over at Listen Up. It's an inferior product and the Snuggie Lady is no where to be found in their piece of crap infomercial.

Thanks Loud 'N Clear!