Toilets are for business. Everyone knows that.
It would seem, however, that my friends doubt the veracity of that statement. They maintain that I DON'T know that.
Allow me to elaborate.
A certain number of my friends (ok all of my friends. every last stinking one.) find it just hilaaaarious to poke fun at the things I do and say. Also things that I do not do and say.
It's a favorite pastime of my dear friends to sit around and reminisce about my past foibles. To revel in my shame and misery. I'm glad I bring them so much joy.
Anyway, one such incident particulary sticks in my craw. Mainly because it is entirely fabricated. Not that a single one of my so-called pals will concede this point. They find it much more enjoyable to both believe and perpetuate this incredible untruth.
Well, my life so often resembles a greek tragedy its makes sense that there should be a few good myths thrown into my repertoire.
And the myth goes....
Once upon a time in Miami a group of college friends gathered to partake in spring break festivities.
The sun was hot, the people were hotter and the tequila flowed like wine.
(As did the lies, you bastards.)
They spent their days frolicking in the sun and sand, their nights drinking impossibly large blue potions, the contents of which tasted like manna from atop Mt. Olympus and instilled in them the power of Zeus himself.
All was well on heaven and earth.
Until one fateful morning one young man awoke, needing to relieve himself.
He was stunned, appalled, to encounter a girl drinking openly from the porcelain throne. Lapping away at the forbidden water as if she was at the banks of a crystal clear brook.......
Allow me to interject:
I DID NOT DRINK FROM THE BIDET.
this entire story is a myth. do not listen to the incoherent ramblings of my oldest and dearest. (particularly one Matthew who started this nonsense in the first place)
i KNOW what bidets are for. quite frankly, i find them a bit weird and don't like to use them for that purpose either but that is neither here nor there.
I did not drink from the bidet. and that's final.
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