Celebration School was a little more sheltered than others. Our idea of sex-ed was searching for the penis on the Little Mermaid cover. But that doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two about love.
No matter where you're from, it can all be boiled down to one simple truth: Everything you need to know about the opposite sex you can learn from a Disney parade.
I learned this lesson when I was fourteen, and my friend's mom brought us to the Magic Kingdom. As Prince Charming passed by in all his glory, she let me in on a little secret.
All the Prince Charmings are gay. Now she meant this literally, because at the time our hunky prince was dating another leading man. (Don't worry, Aladdin, your secret's safe with me.) And she knew, because she was the Fairy Godmother. Even a fake Fairy Godmother knows what's up.
But even at the time I wondered. Does this apply to real life? Is the perfect prince really just a fairy tale?
As I walked through Harvard Square recently, I heard my answer from a group of girls passing by.
"I know he loves me. But you know what he got me for Valentine's Day? A fucking sandwich from his work." Now, granted, Boston does have some excellent sandwiches.
But this gift doesn't really work for us, because as girls, we're brought up believing in the whole white horse thing. Since I've been in the real world, I've realized that Prince Charmings don't exist in the way we imagine them when we're little girls. 'Cause Prince Charming is living with Mr. Right. Or Aladdin. Your pick.
Ladies, we're not getting the prince on the white horse, but I'm kind of glad about it, because at least what we do get is real. In the real world, what you're getting is a sandwich. And maybe it's better off that way. A girl's gotta eat.
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