How The *#@^ Can a Liquid Be "FULL-BODIED"?!
I was having dinner at a local joint a couple nights ago, and asked for a glass of the red to go with my meal. The woman serving drinks offered me a taste of a Tempranillo, which upon tasting, I recoiled a bit and said "Whoa. That's really full-bodied, do you have something lighter?" I went with a Cote-du-Rhone. She looked (slightly) annoyed. 
So, what exactly does light and full-bodied mean? It is not the size or swagger of the female form. No no, we're not talkin' about that kind of body..
The body of a wine, while only slightly less complicated, is really its structure. This means (especially with red wine) its color, tannins, and usually its strength - or the amount of alcohol the wine contains.
Color - The color of red wine can range from a deep purple, to inky, black rasperry, to a soft, brick-colored red. Usually, the lighter the color of the wine, the "lighter-bodied" the wine is. Same goes for a really dark, purplish, opaque wine. It's usually gonna blow your hair back (and some people happen to like that, VERY much.)
Tannins - Tannins are kind of hard to describe without a big glass of them staring you in the face. Here's a straight-up (long-winded) definition: tannin. They are a big factor in how full the wine tastes, and usually, the higher the tannins, the higher the alcohol. The Wine Bible, which I highly recommend if you ever want to read up on the subject of wine without staring at a computer screen, uses this analogy:
"A woman who loves tea makes herself a cup. Just as she finishes pouring the boiling water over the tea bag, the telephone rings. It's her best friend who tearfully announces she's going to get a divorce. The woman consoles her friend for half an hour. When she goes back to her tea..."
Well, you get it. The tea is going to taste like a bitter old sock. Why? Because the tannins in tea are something like tannins in wine - they bring fullness (or harshness, as with tea). So the more tannins, the stronger (often times) the wine will be.
Alcohol - While this seems pretty self-explanatory, it warrants a little more attention. Warmer wine-making regions (where the sun beats down upon the grapes) tend to produce wine with higher alcohol. That's because the grapes get sweeter, faster, when exposed to direct sunlight, and there is more sugar in the grapes when they are finally harvested (Plucked. Stomped on.), and so more alcohol. The stronger the sun, the higher the sugar, the more alcohol in the wine.
Why does any of this matter? Well, I guess it really doesn't. But if you like to cook, you might want to keep in mind the kind of wine you want to drink with it. If you're eating fish, or noodles, or something pretty light in flavors, you might want to go with a light-bodied wine (it will help you taste the food you're eating). Likewise, if you're chowing on a big piece of steak, go hog-wild. Anything fuller bodied can tag along too.
Then again, if this doesn't really interest you, drink whatever you like. And eat whatever is lying around, with it (please don't take me literally). Because, when all is said and done, that will probably be fine, too.
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