February 2009 Archives

First off, I LOVE her and I don't care who knows it. Yes she went through a rather disturbing period during which time her shaved her head, flashed her..self, married someone who looks like he should be slumped in lawn chair in front of a trailer throwing empty cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon at you and nearly killed her children like 19874598437 times. BUT she's normal again! And hot!


And I will admit that I bought her first album when I was 14 and that there are probably videos of me lip-synching to her songs somewhere in my basement-- and no, you will never see them. But when it comes down to it, she is an entertainer...YOU cant dance like that!!




Pepsi, do I get my lifetime supply now?

Who names themselves after a piece of earth? I mean, The Rock? Actually, while we're at it, why not call yourself The Boulder? But at least he can laugh at himself...in fact that's all he really ever does.

He is SO not my type; he's too muscle-y, his hair looks like someone colored his head with a sharpie and he asks if people can smell what he's cooking...am I the only one who finds that sort of disgusting?



But look at that eyebrow work! Damn, The Rock!




And look at those cheekbones! And that smile...does he use Crest Whitestrips? Snappy dresser, too. Yes Dwayne, I think I love you.

Oh Paula. What's up with the outfits and WHAT is up with making all the contestants wear pieces from your
hideous jewelry line? Don't call them "gifts" when they're your pretty pathetic attempt at making yourself viable for a career once you're kicked off Idol. And try giving the singers more advice to work with than "you have a beautiful star in your soul" or "I think you have the potential to be a rising sun in the meadow."


But, I'm being harsh because, Paula, I love you. I don't know what's really in that giant coke cup in front of you (vodka, rum, melted down crystal meth?) but whatever it is it makes me want to squish you, squeeze your head off and dangle you from my rear view mirror.





(See Paula after David's performance...but watch the performance because he's just so f*ing cute!!)

You know who I'm talking about--that curly-haired wannabe actor who spends his time dressing as a pirate and rapping for FreeCreditReport.com:




Maybe no one knows his name now, but this guy is going places. Okay, so you have to sign up and pay for something to actually get your free credit report, but that wasn't his idea.

Okay, maybe you didn't hate him 1988 but I'm pretty sure a lot of people do now. He has a ridiculous reality show in which he makes disgusting girls play mud-ball (yea I watch it) and he never takes off that stupid bandanna. But I'll admit it, I have a little crush on him. I guess I like botox-ed faces and guy-liner because I would totally go on that show if it weren't for the array of airborne STDs I would catch from standing within five of him.



Surprisingly, he's really sensitive. And it's pretty amusing to watch him kick the decent looking girls of his show only to pick the psycho ones to stay. Oh Brett, you can do so much better! Just whip out that guitar and we'll let the cowboy boots slide.

She'll be a billionaire by the time she's 20, her father is a pretty big tool and she's friends with the Jonas Brothers. Yea, there's no reason at all to like Miley Cyrus and until recently, I didn't. I mean, look at her. Her face is kind of busted and she loves wearing fringed cowboy boots. BUT instead of spending her ridiculous amounts of money on private planes and fancy cars she seems to spend an awful lot of time in her bedroom video taping herself and her best friend acting like idiots...and being pretty obviously stoned. And somehow, it's kind of funny.



There's no way she's sober and there's no way that Disney is pleased...so I like it. And I hate myself a little bit for saying this, but I kind of like her.