The Snuggie

It happens all the time. You're sitting there, watching TV or playing backgammon, and it hits you:

"Damn, I wish I looked more like a monk."

Ladies and gentlemen, your worries are over.

Welcome to the world of The Snuggie.

Never again will you be bogged down by the enormous weight of those awful blanket things.

Who the hell wants to waste money on t-shirts, sweatshirts, or even sweaters when you can spend $14.95 on a Snuggie?

But enough about this great, awesome, divine, amazing, awesome, great, amazing product. Let's take a look at the ad. 



We're immediately drawn in at the nine second mark, where we're reminded of the horrors of blanket life.

If I had a nickel for every phone call I've missed because my hands were stuck under a blanket, I'd be a freaking zillionaire.





Twenty eight seconds in: I used to dread making popcorn in my pre-Snuggie life. I would struggle for hours trying to free my hands from the wrath of my throw blanket just to be able to enjoy one measly kernel of delicious buttery popcorn.

But it was pointless even trying. Countless bowls of popcorn went cold and I can't even count how many TV shows I missed due to blanket-induced exhaustion.



But let's focus on the positive side of life, we are, after all, in a post-Snuggie era now.

Let's take a look at 55 seconds in. If this doesn't sell you on The Snuggie, then nothing will. Here we see the nice old lady go from knitting, to a enjoying a nice cup tea, in one unobstructed motion.

It's a goddamn miracle if you ask me.

That same nice old lady, a mere four months ago, was severely scalded when trying a knit-to-tea transfer sans Snuggie.

Listen people. Buy the freaking Snuggie already. Hell, they're even going to give you a free book light!

It's win-win!

You're never going to need shirts, sweaters, blankets, electricity, jackets, family, friends, happiness, love or anything else you can possibly think of ever again..... ever.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is The Snuggie.

Oh, and pay no attention to those bastards over at The Slanket.

Thanks Snuggie!