March 2009 Archives

This one just takes me back. I got a little misty eyed when I saw this. My family had a Commodore when I was little and I just loved it.

What kid wouldn't love a computer. I processed so many words, managed so many files,created countless spreadsheets.... oh and did I mention you could build graphics?

Look at that those lines! I could never draw lines that straight with a pencil and paper. Plus it came with a whopping 128 colors. My box of crayons just couldn't compete.

Look how happy the Commodore makes this family. It looks just like mine. I remember coming home from school, putting on my purple sweater, and playing for hours on our Commodore. It didn't matter how drunk daddy got, I could always escape to the endless bounty of the Commodore's 75 commands.



If only I were as well behaved as the Commodore Plus 4.


 


The other great thing about the Commodore was its design. No longer would you have to rely on a measly fern to liven up your all-beige work space. The beautiful blue screen could really drown out the life draining force of those florescent lights.





Oh, and did I mention it could be used as a musical instrument? If you fast forward to seven seconds in, and listen closely, you can hear that strange little girl singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as she pounds out those keys like a white, young, female  Stevie  Wonder.
 
Oh and pay no attention to those ripoffs over at Apple, Dell, Sony, Toshiba, IBM or any of those other low-rent outfits claiming to make computers.

Thanks Commodore Plus 4!

 



 

Finally! A product that actually makes some freaking sense! Meet the Sonic Blade. 

Let's look at seven seconds in. I can't tell you how many Thanksgivings I've ruined by ripping apart a whole turkey with my bare hands. Who knew cutting food could actually be this easy!

What an age we live in. I thought the CD-ROM  
was as far as man could advance technologically, but I was wrong. Non-compression sonic separation technology is the wave of the future.

I think the strange lady who appears in this infomercial for exactly .34 seconds said it best when she said, "Wow."

Goodbye knives and bare hands. Hello Sonic Blade! You can virtually cut through anything with this bad boy. Fruits, vegetables, meats....fruits....meats.... and the hardest thing in the world to cut...... angel food cake??

This is one hell of a product. You may not know it, but the Sonic Blade was actually designed with Fred Flintstone and Shaggy from Scooby Doo in mind. The makers of the Sonic Blade sought to create a life where giant sandwiches and massive slabs of ribs could be enjoyed with ease and safety.

 
                                                                                                                                                     
Oh, and the best part about the Sonic Blade? It's battery powered.Which means no miles ofwires to tangle with, which means that this guy will never appear in your kitchen.



Plus it comes with this awesome fro pick so you can look good while you cut things.
 









Oh and pay no attention to those miscreants at Cuisinart or Black & Decker.



Thanks Sonic Blade!

A nm weon qejqn mqwei m...dmqp............. OK. That's better. Sorry. I had to install my Porta Book. I never realized I've been horribly misspelling everything I write until I got the Porta Book.

It's amazing. I never knew laptops were this easy to use. I've been struggling for years trying to find the perfect position to use my computer. I've tried lying on the couch, lying on the floor, hiding under my bed, sitting in the trunk of my car and even squeezing into my dishwasher.

But now, thanks to the Porta Book I can finally use my laptop like a gentleman.

I can't even tell you how man hospital trips I've made with laptop neck
the free WiFi finder you'll receive. Now you'll always know when you can go on Facebook and see if your cheating whore ex girlfriend is still seeing that fitness model that stole your....... dammit, sorry my mind is wandering again.

Buy the Porta Book. Now. Come on. Get to it.

Oh... and pay no attention to those assholes over at Lap Dawg, Keynamics, The Wizard or The Cricket. Very sub par craftsmanship.

Thanks Porta Book!