The Porta Book

By
Matthew Tempesta
on March 3, 2009 12:31 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)


A nm weon qejqn mqwei m...dmqp............. OK. That's better. Sorry. I had to install my Porta Book. I never realized I've been horribly misspelling everything I write until I got the Porta Book.

It's amazing. I never knew laptops were this easy to use. I've been struggling for years trying to find the perfect position to use my computer. I've tried lying on the couch, lying on the floor, hiding under my bed, sitting in the trunk of my car and even squeezing into my dishwasher.

But now, thanks to the Porta Book I can finally use my laptop like a gentlepain.jpgman.

I can't even tell you how man hospital trips I've made with laptop neck and computer wrist.

The best part about the Porta Book is its multiple uses. I can use it to write things, serve desert, build model airplanes, eat a sandwich and even stare into its luscious white plastic surface imagining what life would have been like had the stupid whore not slept with everyone in town making a goddamn fool..... oops sorry about that..... I digress. 

Where were we?

sandwich.jpgAh yes. Look how convenient! Now I can finally enjoy Sandwich/Book Tuesdays.

I've ruined many a book and quite a few sandwiches trying to pull off this maneuver sans Porta Book.

It's almost the same as trying to pull off a knit-to-tea transfer sans Snuggie.

Come on folks. You know you want one. I bet you can hardly even read this blog right now. Look at all the glare. It's almost impossible to see anything. And that sharp pain in the back of your neck? That's your body saying, "Psst! Get me a Porta Book."

Oh and let's not forget about the the free WiFi finder you'll receive. Now you'll always know when you can go on Facebook and see if your cheating whore ex girlfriend is still seeing that fitness model that stole your....... dammit, sorry my mind is wandering again.

Buy the Porta Book. Now. Come on. Get to it.

Oh... and pay no attention to those assholes over at Lap Dawg, Keynamics, The Wizard or The Cricket. Very sub par craftsmanship.

Thanks Porta Book!

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This page contains a single entry by Matthew Tempesta published on March 3, 2009 12:31 PM.

The Slap Chop was the previous entry in this blog.

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