Ghostbusters!

And how are they going to do it?

By staging a perfect montage.

Cue Montage:

Alessi's "Saving the Day" sums up what the Ghostbusters are trying to accomplish in this montage.  It kind of sounds like soft-core porn music doesn't it?

The city has been over run by goblins, ghouls, ghosts and Sigourney Weaver.

Like conquering heroes, the Ghostbusters bust on the scene and are ready to take action against any terrorist, foreign, domestic or supernatural.

But all hell breaks loose, the montage's music is stopped and the Ghostbusters seem to been in a little bit of pickle. 

Will our fearless leaders be doomed?  Will evil prevail?  Are the Ghostbusters dead?  Will this montage continue?  Am I going to stop posing questions like this?

Whew, that was close.  The montage continues at 3:37 and disaster is avoided for a bit.  Just for team spirit the Busters put their hands in and say, "Win one for the Gipper."

O they don't.  My bad.  Think I'm a little tired considering it's 2:30 am.  Good Night and Good Luck.

Yup.  Montage.

Lt. Frank Drebin, played by Leslie Nielsen, goes on one date with Jane Spencer, played by Priscilla Presley, in The Naked Gun and immediately love is in the air.

Cue montage:

This kind of humor is what I'm all about.  I mean how great is the full body condom scene at the beginning of the clip.

Herman Hermits "I'm Into Something Good" is a great song for this.  It really captures that feeling you get when you first meet someone.  Look at these guys the girls love them.

What a great date.  All in one day Frank and Jane go to the beach, get cotton candy, get matching tattoos, have a ketchup and mustard fight, participate in a rodeo, ride on a ship, see Platoon and clothesline a couple in the water. 

This is how I want to meet my wife.  I will hold out until I find a girl that does all of these things in one day with me.

I'm sorry I still can't get over the full body condom thing.  Pure genius. 

That's the best date montage I've seen. 

Then a montage is all you need. 

Check out this montage in Revenge of the Nerds set to "One Foot in Front of the Other" by Bone Symphony.

Have a look.  Cue montage:

Pretty good huh?  It took a bunch of nerds two minutes to clean up and restore a house, imagine what they could do with five.

These guys should restore run down pieces of shit all over the country and make a killing in these economic times.

This is a typical cleaning montage where we see what the object is that needs cleaning, then the characters all give each other the head nod and the cleaning begins.  Usually there is a fast motion clean involved somewhere and at the end the object looks amazing.  The guys who wrote this montage clearly knew what they were doing, they probably invented the cleaning montage.  (Note:  Don't quote me on that.)

I'm going to find Booger's shirt that says, "Give Me Head Till I'm Dead." That's classic. 

This has been a Mark Praetsch selection, www.poneandstach.com coming soon to an internet server near you.

Answer:  One amazing montage.

Have a look at this montage from Footloose set to "Never" by Moving Pictures.

Cue montage:

In a town where dancing is banned, what's the only thing to do? 

All Ren McCormack, played by Bacon, wants to do is show this small town a good time.  I mean the man has some serious moves.  However, Rev. Shaw Moore, played by John Lithgow, will have none of it.  Look at 00:36, the man means business.

McCormack obviously is frustrated because he just wants to dance, and no better way to share those emotions with a dancing-look-back montage.  Taking the look-back montage to a new level.

I think I'm going to take up smoking and boozing (again) just so I can get those dance moves.

There should be a disclaimer that says:

Warning:  Do not attempt any of these dance moves or anything in this montage if: 

A) You are not Kevin Bacon.

B) You have a history with heavy drinking.

C) You smoke cigarettes like a chimney. 

Some of the shit he pulls off is dangerous.  He was obviously wasted dancing and we know how that goes sometimes. 

Hope you enjoyed LADIES and gentlemen.  Till next time.  Layman Out.

For Scott Howard, in Teen Wolf, played by Michael J. Fox, the decision was to leave the wolf inside despite an up hill battle against the rival Dragons.  Beaver nation cried and pleaded for the wolf, but it did not come.

And it showed.  The Beavers were getting destroyed 32-10 in the third quarter.  Then, like a sign from GOD, Mark Safan's "Win in the End" comes on and the rest is history.

Cue montage:

What a comeback huh?  I mean to be down by 22 in the third quarter and storm back like that is just amazing.  What's even more amazing is they did it without the services of a wolf boy with superhuman basketball skills.  Maybe Lebron James is part wolf.  Test him now.

The real star of this game was number 45.  I mean did you see how many defensive stops that man made.  I mean Howard was great, but this nameless man was a beast.  Not a wolf, but like a cougar or bobcat or something of that nature.  Who knows, maybe he turns into one of these animals.

The refs must have been blind, because there is no way that Mick McAllister should have remained in the game after all of those hard fouls on Howard and the rest of the Beavers.  I think he was just pissed that a wolf banged his girlfriend earlier in the movie.  And nice name, Mick McAllister, just sounds like the name of a complete asshole. 

Pretty sloppy defense on the part of the Dragons don't you think?  I mean Howard telegraphs two behind the back passes and the defender just stands there with a thumb up his ass.  I hope his coach pulled the thumb out and ripped him a new one after that effort.

So what's the lesson here folks?  That no matter what size deficit, no matter how far down you are, a montage can scrape a team off the floor and bring them back to life.

Spoiler alert:  Howard nails two free throws and wins the game, without every showing off the wolf.  Got to love the 80s.  Layman out.

No?

Well, I'll bet you five bucks that in 1988, Newt Arnold, director of Bloodsport, had that reaction when he heard Stan Bush's amazing ballad "On My Own-Alone".

Let's watch this masterpiece unfold right before our eyes.  Cue montage:

Wow.  Such feeling.  Such emotion.  Everything you want in a look-back montage.

This montage is after Frank Dux, played by Jean-Claude Van Damme, witnesses Chong Li break Ray Jackson's back with a devastating foot stomp.  At 00:44 take a look at Chong Li and ask yourself if you would want a foot stomp to the sole of your back from this behemoth.  Not good enough.  Have a tasty look at this picture. 

So now Dux is struggling with the injury to his buddy and the fact that his next opponent will be Chong Li.  What a perfect time for a montage.  I mean if they didn't do a montage at this point in the movie then they should have been slapped.

Let me ask you something. Is it manly to do a split?  Many would say no, no it's not. 

But let me ask you another question.  Is it manly to do a split on the ledge of a 40-story building?  If you tell me no, then I question YOUR manliness sir.  Shit, I'll question everything about you. 

This is what it would look like if we tried to do a split on top of a 40-story building.  So there, Van Damme passes the manliness test.

Now you may be asking yourself, what is a look-back montage?  Basically, the look-back montage is when the main character is dealing with some inner problems and the only way they can be portrayed is by song and flashbacks.  The main character reflects on what he/she has been through.  In this montage Rocky is going back through his brain, which probably looks like a raisin, to the song of "No Easy Way Out" by Robert Tepper. Pretty, pretty good song, as I have it in my V-Cast music. 

Instead of me talking about it, I will give you an early look at the montage and then we will discuss.  Cue montage:

Good stuff huh?  I mean doesn't that make you want to sit on the couch for 12-16 hours and watch every Rocky movie over and over again.  I know that's what it does for me.

It makes you wonder if this was supposed to be the last Rocky in the series.  I mean this montage sums up every Rocky movie ever created in a five-minute masterpiece.  Don't get me wrong.  I will watch Rocky V, but it's not because I want to.  It's because I have to in order to complete the box set. 

I'm crying while watching this montage.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  Watching Rocky cry over Mick's dead body is probably the saddest moment in a guy movie ever.  Do you agree with me? 

We learn how much this upcoming fight with the Russian means to Rocky.  In his head he knows this could be his last fight, his last moment to shine.  He also knows that he could be buried next to Apollo and Mick after this fight.  Riveting stuff man. 

I feel like running to the gym with this song in my I-Pod.  Layman out.

The truth is that the Cold War ended in 1985 when Sylvester Stallone wrote and directed Rocky IV.  Rocky had to defend the death of Apollo Creed against a gigantic Soviet beast, otherwise know as Capt. Ivan Drago, played by Dolf Lundgren.

What happens in this training scene montage will captivate your great grand children when they watch this on some sort of 3-D mechanism that will actually let them alter the outcome of history like a time-machine of some sorts.

Sorry about that rant. 

Back to the training scene.  John Cafferty's "Hearts on Fire" is perfect for this montage, strictly because the opening note is amazing.  Just listen.  Baaaaaaeeeeeewwwwww.  I don't know what instrument that is but I'd like to get one and learn how to play that note over and over again.

The theme of the montage is to show how these two men train in such different ways.  Rocky trains in a shed during the middle of winter with a phenomenal beard, while Drago has all the trainers, hi-tech equipment and more steroids than Barry Bonds or A-Rod could dream of.  You try and tell me that steroids weren't prevalent in every major sport during the 80s.  Sly Stallone pretty much proved this to be true with this movie.  So no more saying, "Oh, I didn't know what I was taking."

How much do you think Adrian loves Rocky in this clip?  I mean look at the physical specimen that he is.  I think there are more things on fire than her heart.  Plus look at Drago's woman.   Look familiar.  That's right.  Before she was a disgusting pig with Flavor Flav, Brigitte Nielsen was smoking hot.  But now look at her.  Whew.  

I urge every man to watch this right before you head to the gym.  It will give you the ability to lift 10 times the amount that you could the day before.  If this doesn't work then just take steroids like the Soviet cheater.

This montage has it all.  Great song.  Good-looking women.  Two men, who in just a few scenes, are going to dismantle each other in front of the world and bring an end to the Cold War. 

Thank you Sylvester Stallone, and thank you montage.

We are here to talk about the most important thing in your life or mine, the best montages from movies in the 1980s.  Now I know what your thinking.  "Why the hell didn't I think of that?"  Well my friends, you didn't.  I did.  So let's get started.

We start with my favorite montage ever.  The montage from The Karate Kid.  This movie and montage has touched my heart and soul from the moment I laid eyes on it.  As a young boy I related to Daniel Larusso, played by Ralph Macchio, in so many ways.  I had a bike, I hung out with an old Asian man and I had, and still have, great hair.  Atleast that is what I'm told.

I'd like to personally thank Joe Esposito for being born and making the masterpiece that is "You're the Best." Great song and perfect for this montage.  I get goosebumps and a tear in my eye everytime I hear the song.

The best thing about the montage, besides seeing a young Elisabeth Shue, is the maturation that Daniel Larusso goes through.  At first, hell, I'll admit that he wasn't the best around.  I mean did you see Johnny Lawrence of the Cobra Kai?  Did you see that kick at 00:56 seconds?  Devastating.

So Daniel's confidence grows and grows throughout the montage and he starts mowing down the field.  He even takes a few members of the Cobra Kai with him.

If this montage doesn't make you want to kick someone square in the face, then I don't know what will.  The song and the montage made me inspired, how about you?